no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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