Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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