she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
