Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
