You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
