I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
