walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
