Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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