apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
