Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize