So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
