i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
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