honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
