there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
