we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
