"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
