The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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