Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
