16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Let's get the cat blown out
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
