So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
