Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize