what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Randomize
