this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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