God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
