How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
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