On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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