I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
