Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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