i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
