Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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