I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
