I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
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