i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize
