Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
