make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
