Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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