she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
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