Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
