it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
