So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I seem to have left my pride at pride
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
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