So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
