i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
