Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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