i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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