nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Shame - the story of my life.
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