i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
