he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
My balls are so social today.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Randomize
