As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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