Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
