My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
