Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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