WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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