Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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