While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
