You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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