he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Randomize
