eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
