Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
