Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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