i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
That's how pantless uber rides happen
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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