oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
