i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
