I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
