I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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