I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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