So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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