So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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