my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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