Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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