Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
