You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
