you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
