Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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