hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
i think i just lost a toe
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