You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
